From “Turn or Burn!” to “Buy or Fry!” – Rebranding Doomsday for Profit, er, Prophet


May 21st may be the end of the world as we know it …but at least investors are feeling fine.

“No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” – Matthew 24:36.

Despite Jesus' insistence that no one knows the date or hour hasn't kept Harold Camping from Guessing twice now.

Despite Jesus’ insistence that no one knows the date or hour of the coming of the kingdom of God, it seems as if everyone is taking a shot at predicting the end of the world these days.

And why not? The end of the world is big business!

R.E.M.’s 1987 single “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” never made it past #69 on Billboard’s Hot 100 list. It turns out that the only flaw in R.E.M.’s business plan was being 25 years ahead of their time.

Consider the following headlines:

  • Harold Camping’s ‘Family Radio’ blankets the U.S. with billboards announcing the end of the world on May 21st (TOMORROW), while stockpiling millions of dollars in donations. (See story below),
  • An Atheist group responds to 5/21 Doomsday with offer to watch after the pets of the true believers after they are raptured from the earth… for a NON-REFUNDABLE $200 Fee. (See story below),
  • A construction company begins selling spaces in its $24 million “luxury apocalypse bunkers.” (See video below),
  • Hollywood’s decidedly “B Movie” version of the Mayan Apocalypse, “2012” starring John Cusack, still nets $769M worldwide (see video clip above).
  • Hollywood’s current batch of end of world thrillers–Skyline, ‘Battle L.A., The Event (NBC), and Stephen Spielberg’s highly anticipated, ‘Falling Skies‘ (TNT)–are more Alien oriented. Of course, Hollywood wants to time project release dates just right! Opening one week after the apocalypse would be, well, disastrous!

Once upon a time, every village in America boasted a loose nut wearing a placard warning, “Turn or Burn!” In today’s high profit world of prophets, a better slogan might be, “Buy or Fry!”

Stephen Spielberg's end of the world Alien Apocalypse TV Series premieres in June.

The press and the comedy industry are all over Camping’s doomsday predications now. It will be fodder for late night talk show hosts and internet spoofs for weeks to come.

It makes rational people of faith want to beat their heads against a wall. Here are three stories, two videoa and a rather crass flowchart highlighting the end of the the world profit in end of the world prophets.

Read ’em and cringe. Or better yet, try to laugh. Come May 22, you’ll still feel fine!

Have a great weekend!


Doomsday church: Still open for business

By Annalyn Censky

NEW YORK  — By now, you’ve probably heard of the religious group that’s predicting the end of the world starts this weekend.

Harold Camping and his devoted followers claim a massive earthquake will mark the second coming of Jesus, or so-called Judgment Day on Saturday, May 21, ushering in a five month period of catastrophes before the world comes to a complete end in October.

At the center of it all, Camping’s organization, Family Radio, is perfectly happy to take your money — and in fact, received $80 million in contributions between 2005 and 2009. Camping founded Family Radio, a nonprofit Christian radio network based in Oakland, Calif. with about 65 stations across the country, in 1958.

But not even all of his own employees are convinced that the world is ending on Saturday.

In fact, many still plan on showing up at work on Monday.

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Apocalypse Bunkers for Sale

Atheist Group Offers Post-Rapture Pet Care

Fee nonrefundable, just in case

by Bruce Felps


"Hey! Where'd everybody go?"

So, we’re about T-minus four days, one hour, and 15 minutes from the prophesied Rapture (as of this writing).

You’re good. Your faith tells you you’ll be spirited up to Heaven leaving the non-believers on Earth to suffer the trials of Tribulation.

But what about the dog and cat? Those food cans aren’t going to open themselves and that lack of an opposable thumb means the canines and felines need someone to look after them until they regain their hunting skills.

A group called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets offers just the ticket.

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Handy Flowchart Helps Determine If You’ll Die This Weekend in The Rapture

If the Bible is correct, Judgment Day is happening this Saturday. How are you supposed to know if you’ll be chosen or left behind? Luckily, the knowledgable folks at Peas and Cougars have created this handy chart:

Click image to enlarge.

Handy Flowchart Helps Determine If You'll Die This Weekend


How about an end to end-of-the-world predictions?

By Cathleen Falsani

(RNS) In the event that Christian radio evangelist Harold Camping is correct and the Rapture does indeed occur on Saturday (May 21), please ignore the following.

Except for the section marked “Tribulation Check List.”

On your drive to Costco this weekend to restock your cache of toilet paper, hummus and Diet Snapple, if you see a car with a bumper sticker that reads, “In case of Rapture, this vehicle will be unmanned,” give it a wide berth. Just in case.

Back in 2009, Camping (who will turn 90 in July if he doesn’t meet Jesus …

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